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Aimee Mann say’s “Voices Carry” was about past sour relationships. It seems more like abuse.

try so hard not to get upset
Because I know all the trouble I’ll get
Oh, he tells me tears are something to hide
and something to fear-eh-eh
And I try so hard to keep it inside
so no one can hear

The abuse angle is more clear in the video. Suzanne Vega’s “Luka” released a short time later in the mid eighties also is a seemingly light hearted pop tune about not just abuse but denying it and covering it up. These were both in heavy rotation on the then still  video heavy Mtv.

As I learn about culture creation and manipulation I’m kind of in a catch 22. I want to know nothing of film music and television happening in 2018. Having spent years all in I like to analyze.

If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don’t ask me what it was
Just don’t ask me what it was
Just don’t ask me what it was
I think it’s because I’m clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it’s because I’m crazy
I try not to act too proud
They only hit until you cry
After that you don’t ask why
You just don’t argue anymore
You just don’t argue anymore
You just don’t argue anymore
Suzanne Vega say’s this song is about child abuse but was based on a child she saw who she thinks was just different. Strikes me as some odd subject matter for a pop song without any resolution. There are hundreds of similar abuse songs. Just one topic in the tapestry of what goes into our grey matter from entertainment.
The last recent group I cared about was Arcade Fire. They achieved critical acclaim and mass appeal with their 2004 debut Funeral. They have already gone through the turn around I call it. Artist starts out with a fresh sound contemporary(there’s a word) but not a copy. They have great lyrics that address real world problems and they build up a formidable audience. The next thing you know they’re doing S(ure)N(ot)L(aughing) and it’s all over.
Plato-Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.
If it all started with Lucifer being part of the godhead and with him having musical instruments as part of his body then it follows suit that there was a Dionysian movement to join eros * with popular music. It also follows suit that lifetime actors like Elvis gave way to the pre-planned hippie movement and music hatched in the halls of The Tavistock Institute,  mole hills of Laurel Canyon and many other offices of intelligence and psychological warfare.
If you look at Prince’s first album with Little Red Corvette, it’s obvious that someone sat him down in an office before Purple Rain. -Hey man, great playing and writing but we need to get you on the trans sexual androgynous bandwagon. Gotta cut that hair and get  feminine. We would also like you to be one of the first to mention crack in a song. Trust us it will all be worth your soul. Maybe all the stories about him fighting for independence were legitimate. After all if you can’t trust a star with one name who can you?
From Mark Devlin’s “Musical Truth 2″excerpt from his Good Vibrations podcast/Audio Producer Long Lastin’
There are certain notes on a keyboard that represent a circle, a triangle, a square, a hexagon. And within those shapes is hidden the degress-like a circle has 360, a triangle 180…When it’s 432, it stretches right across the keyboard in perfect harmony. But it’s in 440, certain notes are just out in frequency and don’t vibrate well.
Just one example of the myriad of things that go into affecting our physical and mental well being that we didn’t sign off on or have any knowledge of or ability to change. Those of a certain age remember listening to American  Top 40 with KC Casem. It was one of the touchstones of music that made you feel connected to the rest of the country. “When I was a child, I thought as a child.” A time when you played outside before the internet and cell phones. These devices start off with such promise and convenience but what do they really cause?
That humans are subjected to mind control is not a debate that needs to be held. If you learn enough about something the truths are self evident. It’s an obsessive topic for me. It’s not usually a good conversation starter. If I was going to describe what it’s similar to it would go like this. Your sitting in a fine dining room which seems just as it should be. Nothing really stands out or grabs you.
Later you are able to view a screen that shows that there was a special gel on the glass that had a fake sun being beamed through it. The curtains were chosen for the effect someone knew that color would have on you. The music playing was not hap instance. The floor, the table, the dishes and silverware were all for a specific reason based on direct knowledge of you or someone like you. The chances of this experience not being what they intended it to be are statistically non existent.
In the second gulf war Donald Rumsfeld said that you go to war with the army you have. That’s how I feel about knowing whether or not one of these is through.
Until next time don’t keep your feet on the ground and don’t keep reaching for the stars.
*noun. Greek Mythology The god of love, son of Aphrodite. often eros Creative, often sexual yearning, love, or desire: “The new playful eros means that impulses and modes from other spheres enter the relations between men and women” ( Herbert Gold ) a. Psychiatry Sexual drive; libido.)

Fifty-Five and Schizophrenic

Schizophrenia is defined as:

 a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion, and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.
I thought of MDMA as kind of a freebie regarding any possible bad after effects. It’s funny the things we will convince ourselves of at times isn’t it? I took it for the first time in the late 90’s at a rave. I’ve taken it more often away from that atmosphere. I know what you’re thinking…Oh my god he’s found another personal disease! I’ve seen this psychopathy in couples as well over the years;a manic and tense uneasiness.
The following is from a case study:
It has gained a deceptive reputation as a “safe” drug among its users.MDMA use has been associated with various medical complications such as renal and liver failure, rhabdomyolysis, disseminated intravascular coagulation, hepatitis, cerebral infarction, seizures, delirium, fulminant hyperthermia, intracranial bleed, cerebral edema, and coma.36 Adverse psychiatric symptomatology associated with MDMA includes panic attack, depression, suicidal ideation, flashbacks, rage reactions, psychosis, and severe paranoia.3 Persistent psychosis after even a single use has been reported.1,4,7 This case report describes persistent psychosis in a previously healthy adolescent girl after a single ingestion of MDMA(
Perhaps if I take you on a typical day in my mind it will make this more clear. Recently my boss who I get along with well asked if I was ok. I angrily told him that I was fine. Then I kept thinking about how unfucking ok I was. Sure I eat mostly right, am in shape and love my pets. It’s been said that adults without a family keep repeating adolescence over and over again. There’s a scene in The Soprano’s where Tony is exhausted with his son’ s behavior and state’s, “scooters and cars and drum sets and for what? To come home to this?” Only in my mind that’s me talking to myself.
It’s now maybe 10 AM…I guess I should accept that a relationship is just not in the cards. The island that was made out of necessity is also an anvil around my neck. Not because it has to be that way but because it just is that way and I should forget ever(young woman with great fake ones comes in)but if I could get one like that I could overcome all the fear and loathing I could fly, it must be just around the corner…
“Ooh I’m driving my life away
lookin’ for a better way for me,
Ooh I’m driving my life away
lookin for a sunny day just for me”
(Eddie Rabbit/worked with Elvis)
Random thoughts continuing-I need to put spirits to the trivium. I brought the trivium up to my sisters a few years ago, trying to make conversation at a restaurant. It didn’t go over well because people don’t listen to what I say or consider it in those situations and that’s…OK. They had never heard of it and rolled their eyes. ( I realize it’s common in families to never progress past the childhood roles. I also realize with that being the case, that there is no need to put myself in that situation. What I mean by putting spirits to the trivium is to once and for all prove whether or not other entities exist. In science there is the overton window.(The Overton window, also known as the window of discourse, is the range of ideas tolerated in public discourse.) The church and religion are perversions and inversions of truth. The Bible teaches natural law and how to live without the chains of state. The church is an institution ordained by the state.
The audio of Big Pussy saying to his wife-“I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you!” is playing in my head to entertain me while being annoyed by someone expecting me to explain the goddamn lottery to them!
I know that I’m too much in my own head but I don’t know how to get out of the situation. As much as I desire having friends any conversation I over hear makes me feel content to stay the way I am.
I’m mentioning MDMA and schizophrenia in the same breath because I’ve seen the relationship in myself and others.
There was a word on the street in the 1980’s that cocaine was harmless. Never mind that you only get that awesome rush of chemicals the first time you do it…I wonder how people convince themselves that these things somehow just become available to the public despite authorities being against it. Certain authorities are against it, the one’s who arrest and prosecute you over it. But I digress, that should be the title of this blog which I started in 2013 and haven’t posted anything on in four years. I realize now that ‘magical thinking’ is a diversion and dead end but spent years letting delusions be my guide.
What recreational drugs do is not that different from what antidepressants do. They mess with your serotonin level. I was having a lot of anxiety working with the public again after ten years on a job(I’ve now passed the year mark)and went back on an anti dep for a bit even though I know they are no good. I’m back off it now.
Mental irregularities are comparable to something that would go into a measuring cup as opposed to being all consuming. I could make a graph but where would the line go?
As you might guess, I’m not a strip club kind of guy. Guess what I did one night on molly…
I kept the bouncer busy. I didn’t actually do anything that he ever spoke to me about but there was some sort of esp gymnastics going on. I was using uber at the time.
I went to an Asian massage place one night under the influence. If I could meet one of them in any other situation I can’t help but to think a meeting of the minds and needs could be reached in a more long term arrangement. I tried to communicate this through a translator on her phone.
There’s about two hours left now. It’s a day much like any other, not too happy, not too sad, just the right amount of soma to keep going.

Wolves Clothes Change but Breath Smells the Same

Sometimes I have to articulate something to realize the answer. Earlier in the week I made an observation about a public figure being ok to a certain point. Evidently that person saw what I said because they addressed it the next day. What I realized is that anyone who is popular is going to be dumbing it down at some point. It’s a reality still in this transitional period, at least it seems to be for anyone who uses the visual medium. Whether it’s confirmation bias or seething machismo, I’m reminded again that we are all just human.

The larger revelation being that the more aware and enlightened one becomes, the more likely it is that you would not put anyone on a pedestal. As this person has said, “Hero worship diminishes the hero and you.”

In a related area to this as I see it is the dichotomy between being awake and desiring unity. The coexist graphic is nice and all but how much credibility does unity really have? You wouldn’t try to graft a dead limb back on to a healthy tree would you? It reminds me of how many times a person has already indicted themselves by the way they think they are asking a question filled with presupposition, preconception and judgement.

For me it’s more about finding people with a commonality of purpose. Half measures aren’t enough and never have been. There are always going to be those who jump on whatever the current band wagon seems to be the flavor of the day, sometimes without a single clue as to what they are voicing their support for. There’s just no reason to stay around people whether it be online or in person who are content having formed all their opinions when they were a teen or before. Not  everyone who talks about being open minded knows what it means. And not everyone who talks about being awake knows what it means.

I had more fun at a music festival last summer that I would have thought possible. The one draw back was that they sold it as being somewhat clued into healthy food and not ripping people off. The people who heated the vegetables for a wrap, had them at an ungodly high temperature which completely defeats the purpose as well as using corn based products and GMO rice. Pretty much what you would expect at something like that but don’t say that you’re doing something that you’re not. Is that really so hard to grasp? And three dollars for a small cup of coffee from the cheapest kind of coffee maker.

Those types of group think are annoying to me and I realize it wouldn’t be for everyone. It comes back to knowing yourself above all else because just as you can’t have a healthy relationship without knowing productive self love, you have to admit your own dark side to relate well to others. I only claim to be on the path that works for me and never seek “converts”.


The Christmas

Don’t worry, this isn’t pro or con. I’m sure we all get enough of that.

It was the days of innocence, thinking that it would never end. Every year, traveling to South Carolina from the Pittsburgh area.

One of those times in life where the anticipation matched the occasion. It was about the love of grandparents and cousins. Seeing the red dirt as something special, the warmer weather and an immense feeling of freedom always ensued. Even the inevitable back and forth that I had to hear from my parents on the way back home couldn’t spoil it for me.

I don’t even think it was the presents that made it so special. My grandmother saved all year for the grands. She would give all the kids 25.00. One year I spent all of mine on Elton John records, not realizing that you don’t really need the greatest hits if you’re buying all of them. That was a major deal because my folks expressed much chagrin over the unwise use of the small fortune. That turned into quite the episode between my parents and who we called, Mama and Papa. Nothing was ever right out in the open. The tension and foolish friction was always more along the lines of ulcer generation and heart attacks.

My grandfather was a huge fan of Scope and alcohol and that smell was the first thing to greet me at the top of the stairs. I didn’t exactly understand what it was about, it was just part of the magic smells mixed with the pine tree and lingering aroma of the best food that I have ever had. He also would usually give the kids a big tablet and pencils. I think he would give some gifts early because I distinctly remember the look on his face one year when he handed me a new flashlight. I guess it must be the unconditional love that a child usually experiences from grandparents that makes them so special. I could even smoke around them when my parents weren’t around, which is not the best example but the first one that comes to mind. I still have the pewter ash tray that I salvaged when they were no more.

I hope children today still have some of that magic. It looks like they are forced into adulthood so soon. Another special memory was how I loved the Wizard of Oz and had my father read to me some of the many variations of the story. Thinking back it was a special moment in time, more than anything. It will forever be in my heart and to borrow someone else’s lyric, a memory that makes me a wealthy soul.


My Journey Into & From infowars

Sometime in 2011 I began to watch and shortly thereafter began to compile a daily synopsis of the radio show to share with others(never a big fan of half measures). It was definitely more interesting than news channels. Foolishly I assumed that if someone is giving you a third side to CNN, et al…it must be legit. However when one realizes that virtually all news has at least a large measure of production and staging, a different take on that news is still worthless. A paid skeptic is not a skeptic at all. There are more than just a couple places that are now pointing out such things as the same crisis actors at staged events.

I still think that it can serve as a triage for waking people up. Although that term has now become so bastardized that it means little to nothing as far as I’m concerned. A big complaint people often gave me about them was the amount of money they make from merchandise. I still don’t see that as a bad thing, with the possible exception of using fear to encourage it’s sales. What you fear, you become. I fear nothing. Somehow my life force has kept me alive this long and understanding that we are infinite consciousness, I find very little to encourage me to enter the fear zone.

It has been my experience that if you choose love and do your best to be an instrument of love and compassion, you will have that returned to you, not necessarily on your time table. But when some organization get’s my money and then I find out dozens of half truths and bold faced lies are the standard operating procedure, I’m going to at least warn others. You show the proof to many and they still can’t believe, even when it’s based on genetic markers, having the same wives and identical children to an entity with sometimes multiple identities.

I was already familiar with much of the police state from the other cointelpro agent Bill Cooper who is not dead but is in fact Rockefeller Jr. Again this has nothing to do with theory, speculation, tin foil hats or conjecture. Just about any idiot knows that 911 was a lie and one of the most spectacular productions of a false flag in recent times. Yet some people want to claim that they were the first to bring it into the open.

My first indication that something was amiss was the story about a community of whole food lovers who had their food destroyed. These were crisis actors or perhaps the descriptive term is something else in a case like that. It blew me away at first and I almost couldn’t believe that it was true.

Although I understand Problem/Reaction/Solution on paper;it’s often difficult to fully grasp in life. Soon after seeing the gaping holes in the alleged attack on raw milk and such things, the pandora’s box of other staged events and fake people began flowing like an exploding beached whale  insides. It’s not my purpose to be vindictive as much as my Sicilian blood might encourage me to do so but rather to give a few clues for you to do your own research, should you desire. In this present epoch, people often don’t put as much value on something that is given to them without the illusion of a federal reserve note being exchanged.

The situation is so much larger than this one business that it’s not healthy for me to dwell on it, aside from once and for all making sure that those who might be interested, understand.

I’m sure that CNN felt above the fray at one time as well but their ratings have become abysmal. The dragon’s tail swishes around at will without concern for who might be in the club or who is foolish enough to think that they are untouchable.

I can’t repeat this often enough…I want people to open up and find their own peace that surpasses understanding, to grasp the plentifulness and beauty in life apart from the matrix. Even though we are being slow killed and many people are little more than zombies with their various obsessions with all things media, some of us have risen above that. Let us be wise as serpents but gentle as lambs in our dealings when possible.


Passing Through

From the time that I was in the third grade until graduating from high school I lived in New Brighton, PA, around thirty miles from Pittsburgh where I was born. I’m amazed at the amount of things that I can remember from those years as opposed to the early nineties for example. Our original house was a rental until the new one was completed. There was no extra expense from the new one for the maddening noise made from aluminum siding whenever the wind blew more than five miles an hour.

The rental was on Silver Springs Lane where people still had horses and big tractors and could undoubtedly run  a trout line. It turned out to be one of my favorite places as I look back. That authentic smell of a countryside with tall grassed fields, patches of oil and gas smells around the barns and sheds and an aura of peace mixed with solitude.

It was during that period that I had a truly paranormal experience. I was riding my bike as I frequently did one day. As I remember it, I may have felt a bit faint before ending up on the shoulder of the road.  I was unconscious for a bit and someone noticed me  and got me home. The next thing I remembered was waking up on the couch. I thought that I might have been hit with a car but nothing went along with that;I don’t even think I suffered a skinned knee. I think of it in the para category because if it was a blackout, it was the first I’d ever had and the last with the exception of a couple party favor induced ones. I have the distinct impression that something transpired during that unknown amount of time that was of a nature transcending our limited orb of accepted reality, which is more of a common and created frequency than anything else. I’m kind of breaking my own quest for ‘logical perfection’ in my description of this event which is ok with me. It’s like when you know something in your heart about someone but don’t have the hard evidence and even if you did most people wouldn’t break through their little egg in the matrix enough to accept the information.

We have some occasional amusement on the book(face) about the frustration with stupid people. I’m never going to be so “spiritual” that I’ll pretend that certain humans aren’t stupid. The majority of the time it’s because they’re demonstrating a cultural meme or lack of interest in anything other than what’s next for dinner. A blatant example is Americans who still think that there is some threat of terrorism which a recent poll showed as being the only area where people approve of Obama, if that’s even true.

I’ve always had a sense of being here but of being a much larger source of experience and light(giving and receiving) that transcended everything else. My spirit sometimes cries for the multilevel genocide, environmental devastation and attacks on our health from every angle possible. But this is what’s on our plates and I for one will not lie down and pretend that it’s not happening but at the same time it will not defeat me or prevent me from growing, learning, transcending, loving, dancing, laughing and finding the good while participating in as many positive ripple effects as possible.


Paranormal You

Jon Rappoport's Blog

Paranormal You

by Jon Rappoport

November 7, 2013

1960. First day of rehearsal for a college play, The Lower Depths. I walk out on the stage and look around. It’s quiet, but inside I feel thunder. Everything is different. New shining space. I start smiling. I’ve been waiting for this moment for God knows how long. A place apart. A world where imagination takes on flesh and comes to life.

The theater director, Walt Boughton, is leaning against a wall. He looks at me. He sees and he knows. He nods. His message is clear: That’s right, my boy, you’re here, this is it, nothing will ever be the same…

We live in a society where consumers can pick and choose among thousands of narratives about themselves, their lives, their future, their duties, their needs, their status.

Just the other day, I wrote about a new Pentagon/DARPA project aimed…

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